Monday, February 14, 2011

Minecraft Day 3

Dear diary journal thing:

Today while strolling through the sweet, green fields of... wherever this is, I came across an abomination. Its shape was natural enough (at this point I hesitate to make a dick joke, considering just the other day I wept for my lost manhood), but it was a demon to be sure. Pure evil. Not red, though. No no no. It was green. The colour of money and greed, if greed were tangible and colour coded.

You would think that its grotesque shape (and hideous colour, let's face it) would have warned me to stay the hell away when I emerged from The Cave of No Zombies this morning. I would have thought so too. In fact, I would have stayed the hell away if I had actually seen it coming.

It made zero noise apart from a faint hissing sound, which I now associate with a fear for my possessions unlike any other. The giant (well, not that giant, depending on what you're measuring it against) green abomination jumped from a ledge just above the entrance to my cave, and exploded near my face, sending me flying away from my precious cave, and several feet into a crater. It also left a nasty hole in the wall. The door must now be rebuilt.

I emerged from the crater which could have easily been mistaken for the work of a moderately sized meteor relatively unscathed. Sweet, sweet pork provided the nourishment I sorely lacked. It also tasted good.

Note: Learn how to make bread for hotdogs. If I'm going to be forced to eat the wildlife here, I may as well eat well. Also, the cows conspicuously leave me no food. It's almost like their final middle finger to me as I strike them down with my wood.

The Cave of No Zombies, which once protected me from attacks of all kinds, was vulnerable once more. It took me the better part of three minutes to repair the damage. This time, I reinforced it with smooth stone.

I also filled in the crater that was left by the explosion with dirt. There was no real need to do so, I'm just obsessive compulsive like that. This was not a trait of mine before I came here. Something is happening to me, it's like I... I need... hang on, there's a gap in a nearby wall and it's driving me crazy.

Fixed. But now I can hear scratching against the walls.


I yelled that just now in addition to writing it. I fear for my sanity.

I decided to build a series of underground caverns leading to a nearby lake. I hacked my way underground and beneath the nearby body of water. Several pickaxes later I arrived.

I could hear the water overhead. I soon learned that it's not a good idea to shovel dirt above my head away when water is nearby. I caught a face full of disgusting lake water and grimy fish. I'm pretty sure a few tin cans and used tissues came in as well.


Tomorrow, glass will go above my head and act as the roof. It will be awesome. Like a superhero cave. I know I should scavenge the fields for stray pigs (Oinky Eaties), but most of the day was spent mining iron ore. Sweet, sweet iron ore.

P.S: It's also not a good idea to mine directly beneath my feet. At least I have a cool nickname now: "Lava shoes." When I played "Floor is lava" as a kid, it was much more fun, less dangerous, and not as spontaneously life-threatening.

P.P.S: Supply of burnie stickies is dangerously low. The creatures... they favour the darkness.

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