PS3 Tech Support (and Other Horror Stories)

Sony's Playstation Network service falls short in several key areas, the most prominent being user-friendliness, interface, and actually working. It doesn't cost you a dime to use, but just because it doesn't cost any cash money doesn't mean it can't be (or shouldn't be) vastly improved.

I recently came across a problem with my online gaming experience. No, the problem wasn't that I was having an online gaming experience in the first place, but rather a problem with downloading something.

As you may know but probably don't, I'm a big fan of Grand Theft Auto IV. I've recently started playing it again. Since I finished the original story four or so times as well as The Ballad of Gay Tony, I thought I'd get me some of that outlaw biker action and purchase The Lost and Damned.

Actual representation of outlaw biker action.

So purchase it I did. Because I'm Australian I get gouged for a little extra money by pretty much every company to sell things online. Yes, I am aware of how exchange rates work (more than most, actually) but I've always maintained that even when accounting for the differences in currency I still have to pay more than Americans even for purely online transactions. Why? What am I paying that extra money for? Shipping?

In any case it was done. I had surrendered my hard-earner moolah to the online gaming gods and started downloading the expansion pack. I ran outside to blow things up in anticipation.

And again.

To avoid getting into a long-winded story about exactly what happened, here is how the events unfolded in list form:

• TLAD was downloaded from the PSN
• TLAD proceeded to fail installing onto my PS3
• Objects were thrown
• Things were broken
• Repair men were called
• Quotes were gotten
• Repairmen were thrown out
• A DIY project was attempted

After a short stay at the hospital, I went back home and thought about the advice my wise PS3 gave me when my download failed to install. Here's the gist of what it said: "Oh... uh... shit man... I don't know... maybe... try downloading it again?"

Foolishly, I followed its advice. I downloaded The Lost and Damned for a second time. The same thing happened. The PS3 again scratched its head and gave me the same advice. I silently wished I spoke binary so I could tell it to fuck off.

NSFW

I promptly contacted PS3 tech support, by e-mail. I tapped out a short, passive-aggressive message demanding that the problem be fixed. At this point it's worth noting that:

A) I didn't call them because I'm a hermit with no social skills, and was afraid I'd be too kind to the person on the phone and end up apologising or something - being a dick is easier online; and

B) I don't have unlimited downloads per month. Probably a foreign concept to some readers. The reason this is important is that I couldn't very well try downloading the 2GB file yet again, that would be ridiculous.

After trying the download for a third time I sat back and contemplated why the hell I'd just signed away the rest of the month to a capped internet speed. It must have been the knowledgeable input of the tech support person that persuaded me.

In his words: "...I'd recommend trying the download"

That's it. That was his plan of action. He didn't even end his sentence with a professional-looking full stop. I wasn't sure if that was supposed to be the entirety of his message or whether he passed out on his keyboard.

So dammit, I tried again, but not after getting some real advice from a Playstation forum. It recommended I restored the default settings on my PS3, which I did. The install failed again.

So where does the Playstation Network fall short? Let's assume that this whole problem with the installing of the expansion pack was my internet's fault or something (note: it wasn't.) Even if we accept that to be true it's clear that the PSN needs a good upgrade.

Perhaps though, it's somewhat unrealistic to ask for the XMB to be sped up. I don't know how these things work. Perhaps all the patches the PS3 has slows it right down, but to be fair, one can't really complain about getting firmware support for your system.

If you want to compare your trophies to a friend's, you'd best pack a sandwich; inviting friends to your game is just as slow. It's not even the same for every game that features online play. The PSN Store is different for pretty much every country that has access to it, despite the fact that the PS3's games are all region free.

It's still a good, free (the free part is important) service, it just needs improvement, even if they make you be a PS+ user to experience it. Also, I'd have a Platinum trophy in Dead Space by now if half of my trophies in that game didn't magically disappear.

To this day, I still haven't experienced any GTA-style outlaw biker action.

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The Daft Fiction image used in the header was made by Apasun.